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Co-Parenting After Divorce – How to Maintain Healthy Relationships with Your Kids

The relationship you have with your children will often change after the dissolution of your marriage. Oftentimes, due to the terms of an agreement or custody order, parents do not get to spend as much time with their children as they would like to.

Effective co-parenting techniques can help you maintain the relationships you have with your children in a calm, peaceful, and nurturing environment after your divorce. Several family law counselors across the U.S. recommend parents adopt co-parenting techniques into their child custody arrangement to help ensure both parents continue to play healthy active roles in their children’s lives.

What is Co-Parenting?

So why should you consider co-parenting? Co-parenting requires you to put aside past relationship issues with your spouse and concentrate on developing nourishing and healthy relationships with your kids. It requires that you develop consists of developing a cordial a cooperative working relationship with your spouse in which you learn how to stay calm and effectively communicate with him or her while working together to make actively making your custody arrangement work out for the best of all parties, including your children.

How to Maintain a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship with the Other Parent

A major challenge most couples who no longer live together ormer couples face with implementing PLEASE REMOVE HYPERLINK co-parenting relationships is how to put aside their differences to be the best parents possible. Here are a few tips to help you get started:

  1. Set a business-like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality. Relax and talk slowly.

  2. Make requests. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests.

  3. Listen. Communicating with maturity starts with listening. Even if you cannot agree,  end up disagreeing with the other parent, you should at least be able to convey to the other parent your ex that you’ve understood his or her point of view.

  4. Show restraint. Keep in mind that communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your children’s entire childhood—and beyond.  Many divorced parents believe that they only have to communicate until their children are 21, or some other milestone.  The reality is that while you may not be co-parenting, you will need to co-exist as long as they are alive.  I have met a number of children of divorce who are well into their adult years who suffer from anxiety before major family events because they are concerned about their parents fighting with each other and causing a scene.  You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons he or she tries to push.  The sooner you can do this, the better it will be for all involved, including your children.

  5. Commit to meeting/talking consistently. Frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you and their other parent are a united front. This may be extremely difficult in the early stages of your divorce or separation.

  6. Keep conversations kid-focused. You can control the content of your communication. You should never let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about the needs or the parents, it should always be about your child’s needs only.

You should consider attending family counseling if members of your family (children and/or former spouse) need therapy prior to implementing your co-parenting plan. This will help everyone start off on the right path.

If you are not able to comply with the parenting time schedule, meet your custody requirements, you may want to consider modifying your order to best suit your needs in addition to the needs of your children.  your kids. You can hire a mediator to help you fashion a new parenting time arrangement come to a new custody modification agreement with your former spouse/partner, or file a proceeding in either Family Court or Supreme Court, which would be far more costly and , time consuming.

If you are in need of consulting with an attorney about your child custody agreement, contact Suffolk County child custody attorney David Vallone. David has extensive experience in handling child custody matters during and post-divorce. Contact the Law Office of David Vallone to schedule a consultation.

Sources

Tips for Divorced Parents

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